Friday Poem: Whose Butt?

Another in my series of “Shel Silverstein Poems for Adults.”
 (full text in searchable format after the jump:)


Somebody seems to have Xeroxed their tuckus

And left copies all through the office. It struck us

As queer, and so here’s what was said at the ruckus

We’ve called the Butt-Mystery Convention:

“It couldn’t be anyone snooty like Gaines,

Or Waite, who works late and who never complains.

It has to be someone without many brains,

Who just enjoys causing dissension.”

“Viv’s just the type, but she’s not a size 6.”

“But size can be altered in just a few clicks…”

“McHewitt would do it, but she’s in Fort Dix,

At a talk on employee retention.”

“This isn’t PC, but those buttocks are white,

So I’m gonna say it’s not Phil.” “But he might

Have just altered the settings from ‘darker’ to ‘light.’

No, I think Phil is still in contention.”

“We’ve all witnessed Cavanaugh’s neck-hair, and so,

If he’s hairy above, he’d be hairy below.’

“Yeah, but some people shave and you never do know.

I think Cavanaugh’s worthy of mention.”

All nine took a vote, and when voting was through,

It was Viv over Cavanaugh, six votes to two—

But Waite, who works late and who never says boo

Just smiled and put down an abstention.


2 thoughts on “Friday Poem: Whose Butt?

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