Books & Swag

BOOKS AND ESSAYS

HOW TOLKIEN SUCKS: A DETAILED STUDY FOR THE BETTERMENT OF HUMANITY

“No one in The Lord of the Rings can say so much as ‘hand me that spoon’ without risking a response like, ‘Do you mean Fobulir, the Spoon of Dessert? Forged in Glomiel during the reign of Hothemor, this spoon has ferried rich custards to the beards of kings and dwarves, and all sing of its unparalleled elegance of curvature. Use it with care, my friend; gladly do I give it.’ I don’t know what things cost in Middle Earth, but I bet everyone’s paying too much.”

Decades after first being told he should love The Lord of the Rings, this longsuffering geek has had enough. In “How Tolkien Sucks,” humorist and “This American Life” contributor David Ellis Dickerson does a hilarious takedown of Tolkien’s masterpiece, proving, in meticulous detail and with withering commentary, that “Tolkien’s utter awfulness on damn near every level is a matter of mathematical provability.” The fake-Biblical dialogue; the surprisingly thin characters; the horrible pacing; the illogic of there even being a One Ring—all get put under a microscope and checked against Tolkien’s reputation for genius. You may never read the Lord of the Rings trilogy in quite the same way again. But that’s okay. As Dickerson says, “I have nothing against guilty pleasures….All I’m trying to do is make Tolkienists realize that they should feel guiltier than they do. You’re welcome.”

Only 2.99! Only for Kindle.

SATAN’S LETTERS TO CHILDREN And Other Pieces

This small e-book collects ten of David Ellis Dickerson’s New Yorker style humor pieces, featuring topics ranging from tic-tac-toe to reality television, from Virginia Woolf to Girls Gone Wild, for a total of 11,000 words (about 45 pages) of professional whimsy—including, of course, the title essay, which I think you must admit is a pretty great title. For bookish people who don’t mind occasional swears. 2.99. Only on Kindle.

COMING SOON! STORIES FROM THE RADIO (Plus A Few That They Didn’t Use)

Six popular stories from David’s appearances on “This American Life” and a few other podcasts, in print for the first time and for your eternal delectation. Includes “The Most Heartwarming Wet T-Shirt Contest Ever,” was popular at several live performances for The Moth in New York City.

SWAG PROPER

This is where t-shirts and mugs and stuff will go once I gather the wherewithal to attempt it.

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